Only in America...

I’m sure you’ve seen this before, I know I have. But it’s true and hilarious.
Only in America...a pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance.Only in America...are there handicap-parking places in front of a skating rink.Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Only in America...do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway.---------------------------------------------------------------------EVER WONDER....Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?  Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.Details inside".[Evidently, the shoplifter special]3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."[And that would be how...?]4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost."[But it's just a suggestion]5. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating.[As sure as night follows the day . . . . .]6. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".[But wouldn't this save even more time?]7. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".8. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".[One would hope]9. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".[As opposed to what?]10. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts".11. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet,eat nuts."12. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".